”The Prime Minister walked into the room. “You called for me, Your Majesty?”“Answer me this, if you would, Theresa. “ the Queen said. “Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”Without pausing for even a second, Theresa May answered, “That would be me.”“Yes! Very good,” said the Queen.Trump went back home, returned to the White House and the very next day called for Mike Pence to come and see him.Pence duly trotted in to the Oval Office. “Mike, answer this for me,’ said the Don. “Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”“I’m not sure,” said Pence. “Let me get back to you on that one.Pence went panicking off to his advisers and asked everyone, but none of them could give him an answer.The next night, as it happened, Pence ran in to Hillary Clinton in a restaurant. By now, desperate for an answer to give to his tyrannical boss, he approached her – much to her. I chase dogs. Big dogs. Any opportunity to play with a strange dog, to touch it and stroke its fur. Feel those muscles. Feel that energy. I’m not shy about it – I’m just very attracted to dogs. I’ve wanted to have sex with one for as long as I can remember.”What’s your history?“I was born deaf. I’ve never been able to hear. I’ve watched all this porn, but I’ve never heard a girl moan, or a dog bark ... I can lip-read, so I know what the girls are saying in the videos. I like to see them talk.” “My parents got were obsessed with saving money, so they had this house, and they bought next door too. My father died when I was young, and mum died a couple of years ago. So the house and next door are both mine. No mortgage. I’ve never paid one. Never paid rent. I don’t go on holiday. I just an old car. I’ve been working since I was 16. All my money is in the bank for a rainy day.”What’s your future?“I’m 51 now, and I’m ready to retire. My dream is to sell both of these houses, and move up.
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